


blank and silver

by donotfeedthebirds



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, sooyoung and vivi date but it's viseul dw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2019-10-15 23:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17538560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donotfeedthebirds/pseuds/donotfeedthebirds
Summary: She took hold of Haseul’s wrist and pressed it to her lips, the taste of permanent marker bitter against her lips.or,Haseul’s never had a soulmark, Vivi loves her anyway.[[the viseul in that soulmate au on twitter (where the first words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your wrist since birth) that I never really started]]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> context: Vivi’s a solo artist and LOONA consists of Jinsoul, Yves, Haseul, and Choerry

“You sure you want to keep your hair pink?” Vivi’s hairdresser asked, his eyebrows knitted together in worry. He ran his hand through Vivi’s recently-cut strands, making a displeased sound in the back of his throat. “If you keep dyeing it this much--”

“It’s okay,” Vivi said, with a tight-lipped smile, cutting off the warning she had heard a thousand times. “I like it pink.” A lie by omission.

It was her go-to answer for why she kept her signature hair colour, a simple smile with a matching simple answer to appease whoever asked, be it an interviewer or fan or in this case, a nosy hairdresser. The real reason was too shameful to admit.

Vivi’s eyes connected with his in the mirror. She could tell that he was still hesitant, but he eventually shrugged, letting her have her way with a “Your choice.”

As he collected the necessary dye from the tray on the trolley by his side, Vivi settled back into the comfort of the styling chair. With her movement, the cloth draped over her also moved, dragging her bracelet along with it, exposing the real reason she wanted to keep her hair colour.

Her soulmate mark.

Vivi’s eyes dropped down to her wrist, reading her mark over even though she had seen it every day of her life. The sight of it never failed to put a frown on her face, its grey colour almost mocking her.

_Your pink hair suits you._

Was it sad that she kept her hair pink for a soulmate she would never meet?

Vivi didn’t know if it was naive optimism or denial that kept her from changing her hair colour, but it added to her self-loathing all the same. Surely, she was pathetic for believing there was someone out there who could love her.

He turned back around and Vivi pulled the cloth back over herself, hiding her mark as per usual. She didn’t want his pity. And whenever people saw soulmarks like hers - all faded and grey - they usually gave a pitying look, their lips pressing together and their eyes turning apologetic. She hated that look. Hated it more than anything.

She had caught a glimpse of his mark earlier on, its jet black ink staining his skin proudly. Back when she was a teenager, she might have envied him for it, but by now she had gotten used to it. It seemed like everyone but Vivi was normal, everyone but Vivi had someone to call their own. She had accepted that by now.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like. He lived life with the knowledge that his soulmate was out there in the world, that one day he would meet someone that would be perfect for him - assuming he hadn’t met them already.

Vivi didn’t have that privilege. Not anymore.

* * *

Vivi’s soulmark was black once. At least, that’s what her parents had told her - a beautifully dark colour, just like the night sky. It had faded into the disappointing grey that it was now when she was only a toddler, too long ago for her to remember what it looked like.

Its colour wasn’t its only distinctive feature, however. It was written in a language she didn’t grow up speaking, letters she didn’t even recognise. As soon as she was allowed to, she tried to learn how to read the strange characters (hangul, she learned it was called) and spent most of her preteen years trying to perfect it.

The first time she had successfully read the words on her wrist, she was confused.

“My pink hair?”

Running her fingers through her hair, she wondered why her future self would choose to dye it such an outlandish colour. Sure, she liked pink, but not quite enough to douse her head in it.

Looking in the mirror, she tried to imagine what she would look like. With bright pink hair, a large smile on her face, and hopefully a taller stature after a growth spurt or two.

She even tried to imagine what her soulmate might be like. Would he be handsome and generous, the princely type who comes in on an elegant white horse, the kind of guy that all of her friends swooned over? Or maybe a ‘bad boy’ like she had seen in dramas, who forewent the white horse for a sleek motorcycle?

But try as she might, she couldn’t imagine her soulmate being a man. Any boy who would say “your pink hair suits you” as his first words seemed too sleazy for her liking.

Instead, her brain conjured up images of kind girls with pretty laughs, someone who would genuinely compliment her appearance with no ulterior motive. Someone nice and honest, someone who would love Vivi just as much as Vivi loved her. A girl she would be proud to call hers.

The thought of this dream girl made her feel giddy. She didn’t even know her - if they would even be a ‘her’ - but she knew that she couldn’t wait to kiss her, hold her in her arms, be with her in any sort of way.

After that, she spent her free time trying to learn Korean, in the hopes that she would one day use it to communicate with her soulmate. It was hard but the thought of conversing easily with a person she loved made it easier to spend her nights poring over the Chinese-Korean dictionary she had begged her parents for. She wasn’t allowed to stay up (losing sleep isn’t good for your health, her mother always said) but she risked getting scolded to practice it near-daily.

She had been caught once. She had fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position, the flashlight and open dictionary still in her hands. She woke to her father sitting on the edge of her bed, giving her that pitying look.

“Kahei,” he had said, his voice softer than usual, “you know how your soulmark is different from ours, right?”

She sat up quickly, confused as to why she wasn’t immediately being scolded for staying up late. “Yeah,” she said, “mine’s in a different language.”

“No, not that.” He held out his hand and she instinctively gave him her wrist. “I’m talking about its colour.”

She had never noticed it before but now that he had mentioned it, it was odd. All of her friends, her family, even passing strangers all had black marks. She could see his peeking out from underneath his sleeve, the very first words Vivi’s mother said to him.

“What about it?”

He sighed deeply, tracing the lettering of her mark with his forefinger.

“It means that your soulmate has either removed his mark or…” His sad expression deepened. “Or he’s dead.”

Her world shattered that night. Her father assured her that she could find love despite it, but it wasn’t the same. Any thoughts she had about someone perfect for her were gone.

Because they were dead. the universe didn’t care about how much she wanted to meet them, tore them away from her before she had the chance. The universe didn’t care about her childish dream of ‘the one’.

Or if there was a person left out there for her, they didn’t want her. They removed any trace of her from their wrist before she could even prove herself as worth loving.

She grew to hate the writing on her wrist - the very same writing which used to fill her with hope now only reminding her that she didn’t deserve love. Her dream of a perfect girl to love fizzled out as soon as it had formed.

* * *

She found another dream soon after.

A friend of hers found her Korean dictionary (at this point, it had been months since she last looked at it - the language only reminded her of the soulmate she’d never have) and excitedly showed her music videos from South Korea. Although uninterested at first, the bright colours, catchy lyrics, and fun choreography piqued her attention. At any rate, it distracted her from her soulmate, or lack thereof.

Eventually, Vivi realised that she wanted to become an idol. That way at least, Korean wouldn’t just be a useless skill she learned for someone she’d never meet. Those late nights spent learning the language wouldn’t go to waste.

Vivi left Hong Kong only a year later to pursue her dream in Seoul. Seoul was a difficult place, with the language barrier or without.

Not many companies would accept a ‘grey-mark’, she soon found out. There was a stigma around them, around _her_ , because people saw them as defected, someone who didn’t deserve someone to love.

She auditioned what felt like countless times until she found a company that was willing to take a chance on her. To thank her company, she worked hard every day at practice until eventually, she debuted as Vivi.

As part of her contract, Vivi had to wear a mark-concealing bracelet whenever she was in public. In a way, the bracelet helped her. Instead of just hiding the mark from the public, she could hide it from herself.

Mark-concealing bracelets weren’t uncommon - in fact, most idols wore them. They had to. If an idol’s soulmark was leaked, there always seemed to be determined fans that would yell those words at them in the hopes of being their soulmate. But most fans respected idols’ privacy.

After debuting, life only became harder.

Back in Hong Kong, it was considered rude to ask about soulmates. Unfortunately for Vivi, this wasn’t the case in South Korea. It was apparently commonplace to ask idols about things like their ideal types and whether or not they had met their soulmates, whether they would retire if they did meet them. Vivi learned that the hard way, having received excessive attention, both positive and negative, after she let it slip that her mark was written in hangul.

It was a simple mistake - blurting out the reason why she decided to learn Korean after an interviewer complimented how well she read hangul.

After that, more and more questions came her way about her mark, until it seemed like that was all people talked about. Always being asked about a topic that was difficult for her to talk about quickly became suffocating.

One day, Vivi had stumbled on an inane article, accusing her of making the whole thing up to be better accepted by the Korean public.

Articles like that only ever made her angry, they never got anything correct, but Vivi still skimmed over its contents. Basically, they called it a “stunt orchestrated by her company to get more attention for her next comeback” - which was nonsense.

Afterwards, Vivi idly read the titles of the articles the website recommended to her.

Nothing caught her attention - it was just dumb dating rumours, uninteresting drama, and comeback announcements - until she saw the name of a rookie group she had never seen before.

“LOONA’s Haseul forever alone? Pictures show her blank wrist,” the title read.

Maybe it was just the image they used, but Vivi thought that this Haseul girl looked oddly familiar. This was strange as Vivi was sure she had never heard of LOONA before. Despite that, Vivi could have sworn had seen her somewhere before, like in a past life, or in a dream, or maybe they simply passed each other on a busy street.

Out of curiosity, Vivi clicked the link.

It wasn’t uncommon for idols to have no soulmarks (in fact, the stricter companies sometimes enforced their trainees to remove them) but it definitely was rare for smaller companies do the same. Even rarer still, the article showcased images of Haseul before her debut, implying that she never had a mark at all.

Vivi was relieved. This girl was just like Vivi, an anomaly. Someone who the universe didn’t have a perfect match for. This girl might understand how Vivi feels, might understand the loneliness in the knowledge that she was all alone in the universe, might understand the self-loathing and worry. She might understand even, the feelings that Vivi had never voiced aloud.

A quick search made it clear that other people too were curious about Haseul’s apparent lack of a soulmark. Some skeptics even believing that she removed it as a weird form of fanservice like some senior idols before her. Because it was impossible to be born without one, Vivi almost believed their claims. After all, it seemed improbable that she would discover someone who would understand.

But the more she learned about Haseul, the more she believed that Haseul wouldn’t, or better yet, couldn’t lie about such a thing. She seemed… too nice, too honest for such a thing.

To sate her ever growing curiosity, Vivi spent her night trying to find as much as she could about this captivating girl.

Going through their discography, Vivi found that her lips instinctively curled into a smile at Haseul’s voice. It was kind of uncanny, how her brain seemed to search Haseul out. Her favourite parts of the songs - the ones with the lyrics that get inexplicably stuck in her head - always ended up being Haseul’s lines. Her eyes naturally trailed to wherever Haseul was.

Eventually, Vivi fell asleep listening to their songs, Haseul’s voice in particular lulling her into the most peaceful rest she’s had in months.

* * *

By some stroke of luck, Vivi’s next comeback coincided with LOONA’s.

Her company thought it was bad luck - after a successful debut, LOONA had been gaining popularity fast - and they worried about how Vivi’s record sales would fare comparatively. But to Vivi, it was more like a blessing.

Vivi’s whole adult life had been filled with shame due to her ‘grey-mark’ status, the bracelet weighing heavy on her wrist. Still, she held tight to the hope that someone, anyone, might take a chance on her just as her company had. Maybe her father was right. Maybe there was someone out there who she could fall in love with, soulmarks and fate be damned.

And if it had not been for the flawless timing of their comebacks, she might not have met Yves. Sooyoung.

They met backstage at a music show. Then at another. Then another.

Sure, it struck Vivi as odd that Sooyoung never seemed to be around her bandmates until they needed to be on stage, but she didn’t question it. Spending practically all your time with people you work with could be exhausting after all.

Soon, Vivi came to expect and even look forward to their little meetings. Vivi would anticipate the charming way Sooyoung would bow and greet her, and delude herself into thinking that her quickened heartbeat whenever Vivi saw her meant that she was falling in love.

Sooyoung was a breath of fresh air. Sooyoung didn’t care about Vivi’s soulmark, didn’t give her that pitying look when Vivi pulled up her sleeve and showed her, didn’t ask any more questions than Vivi was comfortable with. Sooyoung showed Vivi something she thought was impossible: happiness without a soulmate.

Sooyoung had a very different view of soulmates than Vivi. To Vivi, the idea of a perfect person being fated for you was a dream. To Sooyoung, it was a nightmare. She was the type who wanted to forge their own path, the type to resent destiny. She hated the idea that her future was planned out for her, ignoring the black words on her wrist for the sake of personal choice. And apparently, she had chosen Vivi.

Vivi tried to do the same, tried to ignore that the writing on both of their wrists didn’t match the first words they said to each other. She tried to ignore the little voice in the back of her mind telling her that it was wrong, that by doing so she was helping Sooyoung betray her soulmate.

Around Sooyoung, Vivi could laugh and talk freely, not worrying about silly things like fate. The other girl’s presence was comforting and Vivi appreciated every moment of their short meetings. It was nice. It was almost love.

So when Sooyoung invited her on a date, Vivi said yes. When Sooyoung leaned in and kissed her afterwards, Vivi kissed back. And when paparazzi snapped a few pictures of them together and released them to the public, Vivi didn’t even mind.

The rumours, on the other hand, she definitely minded. There was speculation on if the two of them were dating or just friends, if they were soulmates. It was sort of funny in a sad way. A soulmate-less anomaly and a skeptic together.

* * *

One day, Sooyoung invited Vivi to meet her members. Vivi was surprised. For one, Sooyoung didn’t seem very close to them - odd because most of them were the same age. And secondly, it seemed too serious of a step for their stage in the relationship.

Vivi was slightly worried, but she agreed to it nonetheless. Some small part of Vivi’s mind was itching to meet Haseul, though Vivi still didn’t understand why.

They planned to meet backstage at one of LOONA’s concerts, both agreeing that Vivi being caught anywhere near LOONA’s dorm would be bad for both of their careers. So she sneaked out of her own dorm room, hiding her face in a mask and her pink hair in an inconspicuous hoodie. She had been running a little late, and in her rush she forgot to put on her bracelet.

By now, their manager could recognise Vivi even with the mask covering her. With a smile, he let her in immediately, handing her a pass which had ‘STAFF’ proudly emblazoned on the front.

“Sooyoung’s been talking about this all day,” he told her. “I hope you stick around. She’s been really happy lately.”

Hearing that should have made Vivi glad, but it was all she could do to put on a fake smile.

She made her way down to their dressing room after shooting a quick text to Sooyoung that she had arrived. The mask was slightly suffocating her and the sleeves of her hoodie were constricting her arms so once she was inside the small room and sure that no one could catch her, Vivi pulled off her mask and took her hoodie off.

As Vivi turned around from the door, she caught eyes with Haseul, who was as beautiful and enchanting as she was in the videos. She seemed to already be dressed in their stage outfit, her heels and dress similar to the one she wore in their most recent music video.

Before Vivi had the chance to introduce herself, Haseul smiled softly and said the words Vivi never expected to hear.

“Your pink hair suits you,” Haseul said.

The second the words escaped into the air, Vivi felt her wrist burn as if she touched a hot stove, the writing on her skin heating up until it hurt.

But more important than the pain, Vivi felt a rush of elation. She had a soulmate!

Vivi had lived all of her adult life believing that there was no one out there destined for her, but this girl - this beautiful, talented girl had proven that wrong with a single sentence. It was... sort of terrifying.

The fear of ‘what if?’ gnawed at her. What if she wasn’t Haseul’s soulmate? What if she had been destined for someone who could never love her back?  And what about Sooyoung, who had been nothing but kind and good to her? What would happen to their budding relationship? Could Vivi really just cast her off to the side just because she met the one she was meant for?

“Oh, fuck,” Vivi muttered underneath her breath, her words slipping back into Cantonese due to her surprise.

Haseul’s eyebrows furrowed. Almost immediately, she started to rub at her wrist. Vivi was surprised to see that although her wrist was blank, her skin was reddening just like Vivi’s was. Oh. _Oh._

“What’d you just say?” Haseul asked, that look of confusion not once leaving her face.

“I--”

Sooyoung barged in before Vivi could say anything more. Upon seeing Vivi, she burst into a wide grin.

“Vivi-unnie,” she called out, her arms gesturing to the two girls who came in after her, “this is Yerim and Jinsoul. And… oh, I see you’ve already met Haseul.”

“Uh, yeah,” Vivi said. Wow, eloquent.

Vivi tried to act as if her whole life hadn’t just shifted in front of her, bowing and greeting the two as if it were just another day. It was oddly easy. Both Jinsoul and Yerim were easy to get along with, eager to start chattering on about how excited they were for their concert.

The conversation flowed naturally, as if both Vivi and Haseul had forgotten what had just happened.

“Jinsoul, your soulmate’s coming to the show tonight right?” Haseul asked. Vivi was surprised to hear the voice coming from so close to her, but she tried to not let that surprise show on her face.

“Yep!” Jinsoul said excitedly. “Oh, and she’s bringing some of her friends. Apparently, one of them really wanted to see Sooyoung again.”

In her peripheral vision, Vivi could see Sooyoung tense up.

“Oh, that’ll be fun,” Sooyoung said, her voice sounding more uninterested than Vivi had heard it before.

Sooyoung slid her hand down Vivi’s arm and interlocked their hands. It was a sweet gesture, but as Sooyoung’s hand held hers, Vivi could only think about how cold her fingers were, how jarringly different it felt to that heat that Haseul’s mere words provided.

It had never bothered Vivi before, but now it was just a reminder of how incompatible they were. Both of them tended to have cold hands, so when they held hands the cold feeling was felt doubly. As soon as their hands made contact, Vivi had to resist the urge to pull back.

Feeling a little awkward, Vivi wordlessly watched as Haseul’s eyes drifted down to gaze at their connected hands. Haseul’s gaze looked almost envious. Or maybe that was just Vivi’s hopeful imagination. After all, If Vivi were in her position and she had to watch Haseul hold hands with someone else, she would have hated it.

Wait, no. Haseul’s gaze wasn’t on their hands, her eyes focused slightly above them. It was on her wrist. On the grey words Haseul herself had said only moments ago.

_Oh, fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

Haseul had always adored the concept of soulmates. 

The idea of a guaranteed, perfect love - she must have cried because of at least a thousand dramas and movies focused around that premise. That being said, she never felt sad that she didn’t have a mark of her own. After all, Haseul had never had one. How could she miss something she never had?

However, Haseul would be lying if she said she had never looked at her wrist and wished that something, _anything_ , would be inked there. There were times when such thoughts would enter her mind, but those were few and far between. 

Like when her high school crush confessed to her. Haseul was excited - halfway to saying yes, but then he told her that it was only because the first words she said to him happened to be the words on his wrist. 

It crushed her. 

Haseul had felt obliged to tell him that she didn't have a mark and therefore had to deny him - unless he was willing to date her even though they weren't soulmates. She'll never forget how his face reddened with both anger and embarrassment, how he spat out his next words and stormed off, leaving her there, bewildered.

"You could've just said no. You didn't have to be a bitch and lie about it." 

Dejected, sure, but not sad.

And when she debuted, the rumours and general disbelief about her were also annoying, to say the least. No one believed her when she said she never had a soulmark - disregarded all the pictures proving her right and slandered her on every forum and website imaginable. 

It hurt, but Haseul knew there was nothing she could do to change their minds.

Her lack of a soulmark also made it difficult to relate to her members. She couldn’t quite understand the disappointment they felt when the first words their crush said to them didn’t match their mark, couldn’t understand why some - like Yerim - were nothing but excited, while others - namely, Sooyoung - resented the idea wholeheartedly. 

Whenever the girls came to her with worries, asking for advice, she wished she had a soulmark so she could give it. In times when she was overly hard on herself, Haseul would berate herself for being a lousy leader, for not understanding their problems, for not being able to help.

As Haseul gazed at her reddened skin, she couldn’t help but wish it again. As if by sheer want she could somehow make ink appear on her wrist. Ink spelling out… whatever the hell Vivi had said to her moments ago. 

Vivi. Haseul had only just met her but the girl was already stuck on her mind. 

Vivi. A girl Haseul really shouldn’t catch feelings for. 

Vivi. Sooyoung’s girlfriend. 

Haseul had seen firsthand how happy Sooyoung had been these past few weeks, her happiness caused by none other than the pink-haired girl Haseul couldn’t get out of her head. Of course she felt guilty. If Vivi were Haseul’s soulmate like she hoped she was, Haseul would be robbing Sooyoung of a source of happiness.

So Haseul pushed down her hopes, refusing to believe that she had found her soulmate. Maybe the beautifully silver words on Vivi’s wrist were nothing more than a coincidence.

Maybe Haseul was alright with that being the case.

Vivi apparently thought the opposite.  

Glancing down at the sandwich she had just unwrapped, Haseul noticed a piece of paper wedged between the top slice of bread and the lettuce. Curious, she plucked it out gingerly and was surprised to find a phone number in cutely neat handwriting.

Haseul scanned the room in an attempt to figure out who had placed the note there. Her eyes met with Vivi’s, who immediately turned away when she realised that Haseul had caught her staring.

Haseul couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto her lips at Vivi’s cheeks reddening. She added the number to her contacts, ignoring the envy bubbling in her chest at the sight of Sooyoung’s arm around Vivi’s waist. 

 _This is enough for now,_ Haseul thought, her thumb idly swiping where Vivi’s words should have been.

* * *

Staring at the bright screen of her phone, Vivi bit her lip as she read the text over again. Her thumb tapped away at the screen, deleting the response she had typed out.

 {Haseul: Want to meet up?}

A simple question. But Vivi couldn’t for the life of her figure out what the right answer would be. 

 _T_ _he answer was yes._

_Yes, Vivi wanted more than anything to see her again, to talk for hours, to learn about and appreciate everything Haseul was._

_T_ _he answer was so 100%, so completely_ yes _that it almost terrified her._

Because on the one hand, it made sense. Sooyoung had been so eager for Vivi to meet and make friends with her bandmates. Meeting up could just be a step towards befriending them. After all, if this relationship with Sooyoung was to go any further, Vivi would see her bandmates often. It would be beneficial for everyone if they got along, right? 

But the words on Vivi’s wrist warned her that they might get along too well.

And Sooyoung deserved better than that. Vivi couldn’t just use her as some sort of stepping stone, some girl to pass the time until she met her soulmate. Sooyoung deserved someone that genuinely cared about her, that could be satisfied to wake up next to her every day. And Vivi was fine being that girl.

Vivi had wanted for a soulmate her entire life. And now that she had found her, Vivi was at a crossroads. 

Being with Sooyoung was fine. Vivi really did like her. Days were always a little easier when Sooyoung was around. She made Vivi smile. When the pressure on her got to be too much, Sooyoung provided much-needed comfort. Vivi was alright with settling for fine.

But despite a very prominent part of Vivi’s brain telling her not to, her thumb pressed send.

{Vivi: sure.}

* * *

They made a plan to meet in a small coffee shop not too far from Vivi’s apartment. 

It was one of Vivi’s favourite spots, mostly because it wasn’t too popular. Not many people came in - a plus because getting recognised would be a hassle, especially today. After all, her relationship with Sooyoung was well-known by now. The situation would only worsen if people saw her with Haseul and made up some ridiculous story about how Vivi was going through the LOONA members one by one. 

Once Haseul walked in, their eyes met and she waved to Vivi with an infectious smile on her face. Vivi tried to ignore the affection blossoming in her chest, tried to keep it as friendly as possible when she told Haseul to sit down and order.

Conversation started smoothly, much smoother than Vivi had anticipated.

To her amazement, Haseul seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her and becoming friends - something Vivi also wanted.

She told Vivi about her childhood and where she grew up, the little differences between her hometown and Seoul. Everything Haseul shared was personal - Vivi felt like she learned a lot about her, past the usual things you might tell an acquaintance.

Vivi tried to do the same, wanting - for some inexplicable reason - to bare her soul to the other girl. It felt odd, wanting to connect with someone this much, but it also felt right.

She talked about how hard it was to get used to life in Seoul, how lonely she got promoting alone.

Haseul shocked her by listening intently to every single word. She gasped and teared up at all the right times, even putting her hand on top of Vivi's at particularly saddening parts. As if she was telling Vivi that she didn't have to feel so alone anymore.

Vivi always found it difficult to share personal things with strangers. She struggled through every interview she got. Still, it was surprisingly easy to confide in and reveal herself to Haseul. There was something in the other girl that made her easy to trust. 

During one of her stories, Vivi let it slip that part of her reason for moving was because of her soulmark. She hesitated, wondering if they were finally going to address the elephant in the room - the fact that Haseul could be (and probably was) her soulmate.

Much to her surprise, Haseul didn’t ask about her soulmark. 

Instead, Haseul shifted the conversation. She shared stories of her trainee days, of injuries and hard times that Vivi could relate to all too well - having gone through similar things in her own trainee period.

"It might sound silly to you," Haseul started, before pausing with a laugh, "but I was really homesick back then. I still get homesick a lot these days."

"Why would it sound silly?" Vivi asked, confused at how embarrassed Haseul seemed to be about her admission. 

"Well, it's not like my hometown's as far as Hong Kong."

Eventually, the staff asked them to leave to make room for other customers, saying that they had been there for too long. Looking down, Vivi saw how their drinks and snacks were long gone. It surprised her - it hadn’t felt like much time had passed at all.

* * *

They met up again. And again. 

Eventually, their meetups became the best part of Vivi's week. They were something to look forward to after tedious schedules. It was one of the things Vivi could count on. Interviewers always asked the same inane questions, stylists always pushed the same boring pieces onto her, and Haseul always made her smile.

With Vivi’s growing feelings, it became harder and harder to lie and say that she was content with just being friends. Harder to say that these outings were nothing more than harmless hangouts. Vivi found herself making excuses to see Haseul, taking time out of her busy schedule to visit even when she had never done the same for Sooyoung.

By the time two months had passed this way, Vivi couldn’t deny it anymore. She had fallen for her soulmate.

* * *

Sooyoung was a good girlfriend - if she could even be called that. They had never clarified what they were to each other, both too busy with their careers to really commit. 

Still, being with Sooyoung was fun. Definitely more exciting than any of Vivi’s past relationships had been. So Vivi tried to ignore her and Haseul's undeniable chemistry, a task which had become increasingly difficult as the days went on.

Sitting on the couch in the living room of Sooyoung’s dorm, Vivi idly fidgeted with her bracelet. Neither of them were paying much attention to the movie they had put on, Vivi noted. 

Vivi reached over to the bowl of popcorn on Sooyoung’s lap, stopping in her tracks when she saw Sooyoung’s phone light up. 

She stayed stock-still, quietly watching how a faint smile graced Sooyoung’s lips as she read over whatever came on her phone. Curiously, once Sooyoung realised she was smiling, it was replaced by a half-hearted grimace. 

Sooyoung put her phone back down without answering, and Vivi - thinking the odd situation was now over - finally grabbed the handful of popcorn she was reaching for. 

But it wasn’t the end of it. 

Another text popped up, and the phone lit up again. Vivi was getting tired of pretending that she didn’t notice how Sooyoung kept looking over to it, how Sooyoung’s hand went to grab it but stopped halfway as if unsure.

“Who is it?” Vivi asked faux-nonchalantly.

“Some girl," Sooyoung simply stated. When she looked over and saw that Vivi wasn't satisfied with the bland answer, she sighed. “She says she’s my soulmate.”

“Well, do you believe her?”

“No,” Sooyoung said, her voice firm. If Vivi didn’t know any better, she would have thought that Sooyoung was telling the truth - but she did know her. Vivi knew all of Sooyoung's telltale signs, and this was indicative of her hiding her hope. “It’s probably just another false alarm.” 

Vivi understood Sooyoung's apprehension towards soulmates. After all, she'd been burned before with others claiming to be her soulmate. It was one of the dangers of being a celebrity with a revealed soulmark. 

In the corner of her eye, she watched as Sooyoung's phone lit up once more.

Sooyoung rolled her eyes, letting out a "so annoying", but Vivi knew she didn't mean it. After all, if Sooyoung hated it this much, why did she hesitate to press 'do not disturb'?

“What if she is?" Vivi insisted. "I know you don’t really believe in that stuff but...” 

“But?”

“But if she annoys you so much and you don’t believe she’s your soulmate, why’d you give her your number?”

“I dunno.” Sooyoung shrugged. “I sorta felt bad. She seemed really excited to meet me, but I-” she hesitated, trying to figure out her next words. “I didn’t want to let her down. The thought of hurting her makes me feel like _shit,_  and I have no clue why.” 

Vivi’s never seen Sooyoung care this much about hurting someone. In her experience, Sooyoung was the type to say what she wants regardless of other people’s feelings.

“If there’s even a chance she is your soulmate, you should try. Even if it’s just another false alarm."

A pause. “But what about us?” Sooyoung said, surprising Vivi with how meek and unsure she sounded.

“Sooyoung, I like you. A lot. And it’s because I like you that I want you to try. I’ve never seen you care so much about anything and this girl--” Vivi trailed off. “Maybe she'll be better for you than I could ever be.”

"You're right." Sooyoung nodded after a sigh. “You know, you should try as well.”

Vivi was taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not blind, you know,” Sooyoung said, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. "I see the way you look at our beloved leader.”

Vivi felt her cheeks heating up at the implication. She didn’t know that her feelings for Haseul were that obvious. Still, she was relieved that Sooyoung wasn’t angry about it -  calm enough to make a teasing joke out of their messy situation.

“Honestly, it hurt when I figured it out. I spent so many nights wondering why I wasn't enough for you. But… I get it now.” A small smile grew on Sooyoung face as she kept talking. “We can’t choose who we fall for.” 

Vivi agreed. “Yeah, I guess we can’t.”

“For a while, I really wanted you to choose me. But I think, deep down, I always knew you’d already made your choice.”

“And?” Vivi pressed. “What do you choose?”

“For once, I think I’ll choose fate."

Sooyoung looked down and traced her pitch-black mark - the one she didn’t even bother hiding anymore.

_You look so beautiful I forgot what I was going to say._

“Your soulmate really has a way with words, huh?” Vivi said.

“I told you, I don’t know for sure if she’s my soulmate.”

“But you want her to be,” Vivi observed, “right?”

Sooyoung was silent, but her lips curving into an even wider smile was all the answer Vivi needed. It was sweet - the way this mystery girl seemed to have such an effect on the usually unswayable girl. Vivi knew that Sooyoung cared for her, but never like this. Not enough so that a mere mention of her would get Sooyoung so smiley.

Vivi was curious to find out more about this mystery girl - figure out what about her Sooyoung liked so much. “Tell me about her.”

“No.” 

“C’mon,” Vivi pestered, nudging Sooyoung’s shoulder. “You know you want to tell me.”

“I said no,” Sooyoung said firmly, pretending to be stern.

“But, Sooyoung,” Vivi continued to whine, “you already know all about the girl I like-- you’re being unfair!”

“Yeah, well, you’re being childish.”

“Childish?” Vivi scoffed, acting offended, “I'm older than you.”

“Act like it, grandma.”

With that, Vivi attacked, digging her fingers into Sooyoung’s sides, right above her hips where she knew Sooyoung was ticklish. At first contact, Sooyoung burst into giggles, her arms flailing as she tried to push Vivi off.

“Fuck, stop!” Sooyoung struggled out between her bouts of laughter. “It’s starting to hurt, seriously stop!”

Sooyoung sounded genuinely hurt and her face was crumpled up in pain so Vivi was afraid that she had gone too far. “Shit, I’m sorry--” 

Once Vivi started to back off, Sooyoung’s pained act was gone and she pounced on the older girl. Sooyoung must have misjudged the space between them because she fell forward a little too far - just barely catching herself with her hands on either side of Vivi’s head.

“Whoops,” she said, still panting from the overexertion of laughing so much.

Vivi chuckled lightly, happy they were still comfortable around each other even after they decided not to date anymore. “If you just wanted to get on top of me again, you could have just asked,” she joked, making Sooyoung let out a burst of laughter.

It felt nice, knowing that their split wouldn’t affect the friendship they had developed.

The nice feeling didn’t last for long, not when Vivi’s favourite voice spoke.

“Having fun?” Haseul asked, forcing a smile when Vivi tilted her head to look at her.

“Uh--”

Haseul’s eyes flashed with something Vivi couldn’t place - something between envy and betrayal. “I’ll be in my room.” Just as quickly as she had appeared, Haseul turned on her heel and made her way down the hallway to her room.

The hurt on Haseul’s face - in that brief moment, Vivi understood what Sooyoung was saying not too long ago. Hurting her felt like shit, it pierced her heart with such intense guilt that she was frozen in place. She didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, Sooyoung seemed to. She pushed Vivi to where Haseul had gone.

“Go on,” she told the still-frozen older girl, “go get her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spot the inkigayo sandwich joke? [i guess it wasn't really a joke]


	3. Chapter 3

"What are you doing here?"

"I just-- Sooyoung and I," Vivi started to explain, still trying to catch her breath from running to catch up to her. "We weren't doing anything."

At that, Haseul looked relieved - but the expression fell off her face soon enough.

"Why are you even explaining yourself? Who cares? I don't care? Why would I care?" Haseul asked, with forced indifference, voice so high-pitched and unnatural that it sounded painful to Vivi's ears. "It's not like-- it's not like we're together or anything."

Haseul's face betrayed her real emotions though, her disappointment and envy clear from her furrowed eyebrows and flared nostrils. Her actions gave her away too, her hands clenched into small fists.

"You don't owe me an explanation," she continued, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself rather than Vivi, "Sooyoung's your girlfriend and it isn't any of my business what you do with her."

"She isn't--" Vivi immediately refuted, "my girlfriend, I mean."

"Oh."

There was something about the way Haseul looked at her. It was more than just a stare. Her eyes peered so deeply and intensely that Vivi was half-convinced Haseul could see right through her, could see every thought and feeling she had been trying to hide. 

Vivi couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle how sweet, how soft Haseul's gaze was, especially when she was looking at her. Vivi couldn't handle the silent question in those eyes. 

Those eyes. Vivi had never noticed it before, had never let herself notice it before, but _oh._

When the moonlight peering through the window hit Haseul's eyes just right, Vivi could feel her heart almost stop in her chest. Such a beautiful colour. Haseul's eyes were unfairly pretty, the sort of deep brown that Vivi associated with love and warmth.

It was the first time Vivi had been close enough to notice just how similar Haseul looked to the girl she had envisioned all those years ago. The girl of her dreams. That realisation was unnerving and exciting at the same time.

Because somehow the girl of her dreams was even more perfect than Vivi could ever have imagined. Apparently, the girl of her dreams had a tendency to fiddle with strands of her hair when she was nervous, had a smile that shone like the sun on a summer day and eyes that were an unfairly pretty shade of brown. 

Apparently, the girl of her dreams was named Jo Haseul.

Somehow, in the time spent in silent staring, Haseul collected enough courage to voice that silent question. "Can you feel it too?" Haseul's voice was small and unconfident, and it made Vivi want to reach over and hold her in her arms, to assure her that yes, she had felt it. She had felt it a thousand, no, a million times.

It was a simple question, one that only really asked for a short yes or no, but it still pierced Vivi's heart like an arrow. Because either answer - a yes or no - would mean more than a single word should be allowed to mean.

Sooyoung made her feel wanted, and for a time that had been enough. But Haseul made her feel needed. Made her feel like forever could be possible. No, she made her feel like forever was certain, was inevitable.

"Yeah, I can," Vivi answered honestly. 

Because even though she didn't know Haseul, not for long anyway, she couldn't be anything but honest around her. Because even though she had been trying not to, she had fallen in love. Because she couldn't lie to her soulmate.

Vivi turned her arm a little, letting the greyed words meet Haseul's gaze. Haseul reached out to touch it, but hesitated, as if waiting for Vivi to give her permission. When Vivi nodded, she traced the lettering lightly - her touch excessively soft, as if she thought that if her fingertips pressed too hard Vivi would somehow disappear.

Throughout her lifetime, Vivi had experienced all sorts of responses to her mark. Some good, some bad -- no, mostly bad. Pity, disgust, and if she was lucky, mere indifference. Vivi used to think that Sooyoung's mild interest (sans judgment) was the best response she was ever going to get. But Haseul surpassed all of them with one fell swoop.

Vivi's breath hitched as Haseul broke into the most captivating smile she had ever seen, the kind of smile that could light up the whole world with its effortless brightness, so contagious that Vivi didn't realise that she was smiling too. 

"So I'm your soulmate?" Haseul said, almost as if she didn't believe it was real. The corners of Haseul's eyes crinkled as she looked up at Vivi in amazement, making Vivi's heart swell with pride that she could make her that happy. "And you're…"

"I'm yours," Vivi breathed out, "if you want me to be."

Haseul took hold of Vivi's hand, clasping it with hers so that the heat of her palm was pressed Vivi's. "I do want that. More than anything." Her other hand - busy touching the grey mark on Vivi's wrist - slowed its actions, Haseul stroking it with her thumb one last time before stopping completely.

They stood there, just staring at each other - matching small smiles on their faces - before Haseul spoke up again. "Don't look at me like that…" she muttered, embarrassment evident in the way she blushed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"How am I looking at you?"

"Like…" she gulped, working through her fluster to answer Vivi's question, "like you want me."

Vivi wasn't quite sure how to stop when that was the truth. And it seemed like Haseul wanted her back, Haseul's eyes not once leaving her lips. So she told her as much.

"But I do," Vivi admitted, a breathless quality to her voice. "And I know you want me back."

At Vivi's words, Haseul's eyes came to a close. 

"Vivi," Haseul said, almost urging, more determined than the older girl had ever heard her before, "kiss me."

And who was Vivi to deny a request like that?

Gently, as gently as was possible, Vivi held Haseul's face in her hands and leaned in. She pressed a soft kiss onto Haseul's waiting mouth, deepening it as Haseul's hands found themselves in Vivi's hair. Vivi didn't want to take it too far too quickly, knowing that she probably had the rest of her life to spend with this flawless girl. Still, she couldn't help it. The second their lips made contact, a switch was flipped inside of her - and she lost herself in Haseul's touch.

She pushed a little further, adding a little tease of tongue which made Haseul pull away to giggle into her neck. "That tickled."

Vivi just couldn't open her eyes, still caught up in the life-changing kiss they had shared.

"I do want you," Haseul told her, confirming Vivi's previous words. "I always have. But I never thought you could want me back. Not when you had Sooyoung. So I lied to myself, to you, and to a lot of people close to me. And it hurt. But I did it because I thought you'd be happier that way."

Vivi's eyes fluttered open upon hearing Haseul's voice waver. 

"But the truth is," Haseul continued, "I've always been yours."

"Mine, huh?" Grabbing hold of Haseul's wrist, Vivi tenderly pressed a kiss into the skin which should have had the ink of her soulmark. "I like the sound of that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last one's just gonna be fluff so it basically ends here! wooooo
> 
> come yell at me about viseul (or 2jin)  
> twt: @propertyofny


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